thattimeofthemonth | Open RP Post

"Why don't we start at the beginning? Or, perhaps, you wish to speak of the worst things, first. The choice is yours, Lucius. Start with the worst and weaken as time goes on, or start easier and work your way up to it." Her tone suggested that neither was the right or wrong choice, letting him make the choice.

"I would prefer to start easier and work my way up to the point," Lucius replied after a pause. "Perhaps, I should explain why everything had started the way they did. Why He took the mannor..."

He looked up at Melinda feeling somewhat ashamed of himself. He hated feeling weak and even admitting his mistakes. His mistake for joining the Dark Lord and the mistakes he did as his servant. He realized now after many years why his father and wife had never joined.

"It used to be my father only supported the Dark Lord and that was through supplying him with money. He had believed what had been promised. He never joined as a Death Eater. My father had passed away some point after becoming a supporter of the cause and I took over supporting it. I joined Him and became a Death Eater. Narcissa, whom I just married at the time supported the cause but didn't join.

At the time I felt I was doing the right thing based on my upbringing. I was quick to earn the Dark Lord's trust and quickly became his second in command. I was always reliable in getting his tasks done. I was also pretty high up in society and was able to obtain what I needed. I was not only his second in command, but someone who acted in his spot in areas he could not be.

After His first downfall we were able to easily escape the trouble for aiding the Dark Lord.... Narcissa had also given birth to Draco. Our priorities quickly changed."

This part was easy to discuss. There weren't a lot of painful memories attached to it. Lucius paused a bit trying to recollect his thoughts. Some of them were a little jumbled and it was hard to sort through them.

"So you chose to support what you thought would better you and your family, regardless of the way it came to others." There wasn't judgment in her voice, simply a statement. It wasn't something she would judge over, though she certainly had opinions on the manner. "Why did Narcissa end up joining, in the end? I am... surprised that both she and Draco ended up involved."

"I had..." he admitted somewhat ashamed of himself. "Narcissa never joined as a Death Eater even to this day. Draco had been pressured by his aunt and the Dark Lord believing it would amend for my mistakes. At the same time he also believed he would he would gain some respect if he was able to correct my mistakes. He spent a lot of his life trying to earn respect and be what others expected him to be...."

He frowned and looked at his hands. They were visibly trembling once more and he folded them in an attempt to control it. Discussing his family's involvement was hard for him as it was something he considered a deep shame. He found himself stopping mid sentence and continuing when he felt he was able to.

"Narcissa only was participated in an attempt to save her family....When the Dark Lord had returned...she threatened to leave me and take Draco with her. She no longer wanted to participate in any of it. She only stayed because even if she left the Dark Lord would hunt her and my son down to use it against me."

There was no rush; Melinda let him go at his own pace and continue when he was ready. "Do you still believe that she made the right choice? Would it have been better if she had left you and taken Draco with her?" Was there a possible source of resentment, there, she wondered? For himself or perhaps for Narcissa.

Would it have been better for them? In the long run...yes. As much as he didnt want to admit their lives would have been better and not stained with their recent actions. But they still would have been hunted whether by the Death Eaters or by the Order.

"In the long run they would have been better without me." He spoke in a soft voice that had a lot of pain in it. "They might have had a better chance taking that risk. I know when we were arguing, I could never sleep. I kept thinking thats when she would take Draco and leave. I was always surprised to still them the following day. There were times, I wish they had left me."

"But they didn't." Melinda's voice was so soft, a quiet musical tone to it as she spoke. It was part of her methods, working in the unique magic of her curse to ease some of that pain and keep it to a bearable level. People could face things of great tragedy when the pain didn't hurt nearly as much. "They remained with you due to Narcissa great love for you as much as the possible outcomes, and in the end, you remain as well. Have you looked at those who had once called themselves Death Eaters? Dead. Gone. Locked away in Azkaban. You alone remain free and, even if the community may think otherwise, pardoned. I fully believe that is because unlike the rest, you loved your family that much more than you loved Him. Because they loved you in return. It saved your very soul."

"She is the best thing that ever happened in my life," Lucius replied. There had been a long silence as he tried to recollect his thoughts and calm down. Melinda's voice had helped make things easier.

"She showed me love. My father was not a good role model and in a sense I am glad that Draco never met him. Because I loved my family the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord all believed that I was weak and say that's why I failed in my tasks. I wasn't the person that I had been before my son was born."

"What they think no longer matters." Melinda raised a slender silver brow pointedly. "But it haunts you, makes you challenge your own thoughts, what they said. Lucius... tell me something. What opinion do you hold higher - that of the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, or that of your family? Which is more worthy to listen to, to hold closer to your heart and believe your self-worth on? I would say that no one's opinion but your own counts, but we both know that would be a lie. We all worry and concern ourselves with the thoughts of others. The difference is who we chose to base those feelings on."

"Ultimately its my family. I was simply explaining at the time that's what was going on. None of them understood what I had and that had been my support and as you said what saved us," Lucius replied.

"As for our society I don't think they will ever understand or try to for the sake that we had lied and didn't help in the second war after changing sides... But we had. Narcissa lied to the Dark Lord which bought Harry more time."

'Harry', not Potter. An interesting notation to make. Melinda nodded in response to Lucius' words, tapping her fingers before deciding to go down that route, slightly. "Yet it was Harry Potter that spoke on behalf of your family, though in private hearing instead of public." Harry had very much gone 'underground' after his defeat of the Dark Lord, visiting only relatives and hiding out from the media. "You were pardoned, even if others do not believe. ...Do you believe you should have been pardoned?"

"There are days where I feel as if I shouldn't have been pardoned. I feel that it would have taken the weight of my crimes from my wife and son. Not that I think I would have been able to survive going to Azkaban a second time. I barely survived the first time I was there and that was only for a short amount of time." Lucius quietly explained.

At this point he didn't care what Harry Potter did. They both played their parts and now he simply wanted to be left alone. He was grateful for the fact that Harry Potter had spoke on behalf of his family and believed that they no longer owed each other in debt.

Narcissa had saved his life, and Harry had saved all of theirs in turn. He thought much the same as Lucius, that all debts had been repaid. The elder Malfoys though he wanted nothing to do with and it would most likely remain like that for the remainder of their lives. Some peace had been made with Draco, but it was only a faint peace, perhaps almost grudging.

She quietly agreed with Lucius that he would never have survived a second round of going to Azkaban. He just wasn't the kind of person who could mentally survive the damage that hellhole did. "And what is it that bothers you the most of it all? What crime do you feel you still believe you deserve to be punished for the most?"

"I've done quite a bit in my time...especially during the first war." Lucius reluctantly admitted. He really didn't want to go into detail of what he had done. Not many knew the full stories behind them and only went for the little bits and pieces they had learned. Most were all assumptions.

"I had been in my prime and had everything going for me. Many had every right to fear and hate me for what I have done."

For Lucius, it was the perfect world - where male, wizard, pure-blood, rich? He would have ruled all. He even had that for the most part going before Voldemort came into place, but the pure-bloods had all wanted more. It had all led to the First Wizarding War, and Lucius had profited from it.

"That's avoiding my question entirely, don't think I missed that." Melinda gave him a cool look. "Something still remains with you, badly enough that you punish yourself for it today."

He gave a wary sigh and there was a subtle twitch from his right cheek. Something that Melinda probably noticed when ever he got nervous or was hiding stuff he didn't want to discuss.

"Aside from using the unforgivable curses...I've worked with poisons and other dark arts. I've taken in torturing Muggles...people who weren't pureblood (that also fit into people like Remus and Melinda, but he was extremely reluctant to even say that here) or those who supported Muggles..." Basically anyone that wasn't a pureblood was a target.

Melinda simply waited out the sighs and twitches that she had grown used to, remaining near perfectly still with her hands folded in her lap. She understood the kind of people Lucius went after during the war, knew through Remus what she was getting into when she started this. Someone in her position needed to be neutral to the person she was attempting to help, provided they no longer seemed an actual threat. Lucius had been riding that line between a danger and simply mentally ill; Remus had picked the right time to call on someone like her, the kind St. Mungo's would have needed to speak to.

Now, the tie back to their original point of discussion. "Did any of this occur within the manor, or was this done previous to its outside occupation?"

"Some of this occurred in the mannor...but not by my hand. I was forced to keep the people they wanted in our cellar. Some of them had even been Draco's classmates, along with a teacher. They had been take to ensure cooperation from their parents. And the teacher was a supporter of Muggles and someone they wanted to use as an example."

He looked away when speaking quite ashamed to have this going on in his house and having no say in the matter. It was quick to assume that he lead the torture and was okay with it from their perspectives...but it was quite the opposite.

Interesting. Melinda had not assumed as such, but she had not been sure how far, and how long, it had gone on. Here was one of the crux of their issues, and while Lucius was displeased with the subject, he was still reacting better than expected,, so she pressed on. "Why was it different when it was then, instead of before? Was the only difference that of it being in your home, or that now you had a son as well?" Given Draco had only been an infant when the first war had suddenly ended.

"I had my son to take care of. Draco became my priority. I didn't want him to be associated with all of that. I never wanted him to be a Death Eater. He may have been taught the various Dark Arts...but as for participating in anything I was involved in...that was something I didn't want." Lucius got a little heated at the mention of his son. Having his son involved in his affairs was a sore subject for him. It took a moment for him to calm down before he went on.

"This had also been done in my own home against my will. They wanted me to take all the blame for what went on in the mannor."

"So it was not the morality of what was occurring, but the fact that it was happening in your home where you did not wish to see it?" Melinda questioned, challenged with a raised brow. "That having it in the manor would tarnish your name as it was discovered?"

It was a gentle pushing, but each session came with a certain set of challenges that had to be over come if they were to get anywhere.

There was a long silence as Lucius dwelled on Melinda's question. Most of it was spent fighting with himself to admitting a few things that showed he was changing. "At first it was because this was taking place in my home...but later I began to realize how wrong I had been to support such a cause and that a lot of what was happening was unnecessary." The students, staff, and a few others Lucius felt had been overboard.

Part of her job was to evaluate honesty and sanity in each question and answer given to her, to see past the possible issues of the mind that surrounded the words of her patients. She listened carefully to this particular response, knowing well Lucius had the state of mind to want to give a possibly more socially correct answer instead of the truth, to hide some of his shame, but she felt that some, if not most, of the latter was supplied in honest truth though she wondered if truly all of it.

"Those that were brought to your home that were once Draco's fellow students and teachers. Do you believe that it was them that were the reason they were there, or perhaps... it was more against your own son? An excellent, horrible manner of cowing someone with Draco's potential when there is someone else important in the young man's life - you and his mother."

Lucuis hadn't thought if it on those terms. He could see the Dark Lord using them as an example to control Draco. And as a result hurt himself and Narcissa more. "It is quiet possible. They've been trying to get him to participate more and it took my abscence for him to be persuaded to join. Only, I feel he realized too late that he couldn't change his mind once he joined. Especially when faced with people he knew."

The Dark Lord was very crafty in his means of controlling people. With Draco faltering, he would stop at nothing to use the boy till he wasn't needed.

Melinda nodded, then sat back as she thought. That could work. Her tone remained calm and casual, though not so casual as to be insulting that this wasn't quite important of a topic. "I have never seen the Malfoy manor. Tell me about it?"

She wanted to see if he would describe any of the individual rooms and if he steered away from or had a reaction to any room in particular.

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