thattimeofthemonth | Open RP Post

Lucius was not fond of the sessions. They made him dwell on things he wanted to forget. At the same time, he knew that they were helping as much as he didn't want to admit. He wondered what this session was going to focus on. Of late they were gearing to more of the darker moments.

He approached the room they used for the sessions. He dressed in his usual manner, but began to make sure everything was neat and in place. He had gone back to having a clean shaven face and his hair pulled back. It was a small sign that things were improving. He sat across from Melinda, with his cane at his side. Now a days it was used for support more then appearance.

"What will be today's discussion?" He asked.

"This may be a more difficult session than normal, Lucius," Melinda said calmly as she looked over to him with her hands folded in her lap. "There is a topic I believe that needs to be discussed and understood before you speak with your family on it, as it will, in time, need to be discussed as a whole between you all."

A breath in, out. "I would like you to tell me about the Malfoy manor."

The calm demanour left him quickly. Lucius felt his hands begin to shake at the mention of his home. The house that continued to haunt him. He didn't want to discuss this topic, but knew that Melinda would have her way.

"You want to know when He took the house? Or what went on there?" He asked in an unsteady voice.

"I want to know you thoughts on what you'd like to do with it." No, she wasn't pushing immediately, starting off more simply than that. She would work towards the rest of it, as they continued on. A probing question - ask now his thoughts on what he'd like to do with it, and see how they compared to after the session.

Lucius wasn't expecting this, and looked confused for a few minutes as he tried to think about. He had a feeling it would go down that route though,

"I never gave it much thought. I tried to avoid thinking about the manor. Traditionally, the house would go to Draco. Only...I don't think none of us wish to return to it. Which is a shame. Our home has a lot of history toward it. The king of England had given it to my family long ago."

Good. That was actually better than she feared. Melinda leaned forward, looking to Lucius as she nodded. "Perhaps none of you will. It's an unfortunate circumstance from what occurred there." Her tone carried approval, as did her facial expression.

"But even here, you let what happened there follow you to this place." With a small gesture around her. "You are keeping it bottled up inside of you, somewhere deeper than you want to admit."

He looked away, uncertain of how to approach the topic. "I deal with things how I usually do. I keep them to myself. I don't need my wife and son worried over me more then they are now."

There was a long pause before he spoke again, still refusing to look her way. "We may end up just selling the place. Packing up everything and taking it here. Selling what we don't want. If we have to, we would do it anonymously."

"I think your wife at least is more worried about you vanishing again than anything else." Remus shook his head a little, but the rest made him think. He tapped his fingers slowly, puzzling on it, before cautiously asking, "what about giving it to other family, if you want it to remain as such? Not a lot of families have the kind of gold that manor would sell for."

Though he could think of a family that needed the space, he couldn't imagine them living in some place so big.

Melinda slowly nodded, a single finger tapping on her robe as she thought. Finally, after several moments of hesitation on her next words, she chose them carefully. "...Perhaps, Lucius, there is another option that you have yet to think of."

Putting it would be a delicate thing, though. "If you are... determined to keep it in the family, but you nor your wife nor your son wish to live there any more, you do have other family that might relish such a place to live."

Lucuis glanced at her uncertainly. He had a feeling that Melinda was referring to the Lupins. This would be a difficult decision to make and one that would be very heated. "It may be an option...but as you said this is going to have to be discussed. Ultimately, I feel that this decision will be on Draco since the manor would be going to him. It's also time that he should learn to deal with a decision like this one."

He was reluctant to give up the place, but he did believe that Draco needed to learn to be in charge of something so big. The mannor would have been his to run should he choose to keep it.

She had been thinking of the vast bloodlines that they seemed determined to keep 'pure', that most likely there would be some family that would want it. As far as she knew, the Lupins most certainly did not consider the Malfoys family, regardless of blood. Really, from what Remus had told her? She wasn't sure she blamed him.

"Then I think it might be best to have that discussion with him soon. The longer no decision on the house remains, the heavier the weight of it and the further into disuse it will fall. If you plan to trust your son to the choice - a decision I would consider wise - then remove the burden from your mind. He has become a young man; the choice is a heavy one, but he will manage."

"Do you think we should go to the mannor for a day or two-- to see how everyone may feel about leaving it behind?"Lucius questioned after a moments thought. "While reluctant, I feel it might help resolve a few things and help make the decision."

Lucius knew the house was safe with the wards placed on it long ago, but it would be good to see what damage may have happened. Melinda had a point there. Yet, to simply leave what happened behind was harder.

The fact Lucius brought up going to the house on his own was impressive. Still, she had a feeling that it would be a more difficult procedure than he believed. She gave a proud smile and gave a small nod. "I certainly think that would be acceptable. I think that there is something I wish to do with you before you do that. It will be easier to take if we work through some of the memories of it first."

Just when he was beginning to relax, Lucius tensed up at the mention. He made himself nod though, knowing it had to be done. For him this was the worst part. This had been all punishments for his costly mistakes. It had been an eye opener for him of what He could really be like and realized even more that he needed to leave his side. Only he couldn't.

"Very well," he replied in a soft voice. "Tell me where you wish me to start..."

"Why don't we start at the beginning? Or, perhaps, you wish to speak of the worst things, first. The choice is yours, Lucius. Start with the worst and weaken as time goes on, or start easier and work your way up to it." Her tone suggested that neither was the right or wrong choice, letting him make the choice.

"I would prefer to start easier and work my way up to the point," Lucius replied after a pause. "Perhaps, I should explain why everything had started the way they did. Why He took the mannor..."

He looked up at Melinda feeling somewhat ashamed of himself. He hated feeling weak and even admitting his mistakes. His mistake for joining the Dark Lord and the mistakes he did as his servant. He realized now after many years why his father and wife had never joined.

"It used to be my father only supported the Dark Lord and that was through supplying him with money. He had believed what had been promised. He never joined as a Death Eater. My father had passed away some point after becoming a supporter of the cause and I took over supporting it. I joined Him and became a Death Eater. Narcissa, whom I just married at the time supported the cause but didn't join.

At the time I felt I was doing the right thing based on my upbringing. I was quick to earn the Dark Lord's trust and quickly became his second in command. I was always reliable in getting his tasks done. I was also pretty high up in society and was able to obtain what I needed. I was not only his second in command, but someone who acted in his spot in areas he could not be.

After His first downfall we were able to easily escape the trouble for aiding the Dark Lord.... Narcissa had also given birth to Draco. Our priorities quickly changed."

This part was easy to discuss. There weren't a lot of painful memories attached to it. Lucius paused a bit trying to recollect his thoughts. Some of them were a little jumbled and it was hard to sort through them.

"So you chose to support what you thought would better you and your family, regardless of the way it came to others." There wasn't judgment in her voice, simply a statement. It wasn't something she would judge over, though she certainly had opinions on the manner. "Why did Narcissa end up joining, in the end? I am... surprised that both she and Draco ended up involved."

"I had..." he admitted somewhat ashamed of himself. "Narcissa never joined as a Death Eater even to this day. Draco had been pressured by his aunt and the Dark Lord believing it would amend for my mistakes. At the same time he also believed he would he would gain some respect if he was able to correct my mistakes. He spent a lot of his life trying to earn respect and be what others expected him to be...."

He frowned and looked at his hands. They were visibly trembling once more and he folded them in an attempt to control it. Discussing his family's involvement was hard for him as it was something he considered a deep shame. He found himself stopping mid sentence and continuing when he felt he was able to.

"Narcissa only was participated in an attempt to save her family....When the Dark Lord had returned...she threatened to leave me and take Draco with her. She no longer wanted to participate in any of it. She only stayed because even if she left the Dark Lord would hunt her and my son down to use it against me."

There was no rush; Melinda let him go at his own pace and continue when he was ready. "Do you still believe that she made the right choice? Would it have been better if she had left you and taken Draco with her?" Was there a possible source of resentment, there, she wondered? For himself or perhaps for Narcissa.

Would it have been better for them? In the long run...yes. As much as he didnt want to admit their lives would have been better and not stained with their recent actions. But they still would have been hunted whether by the Death Eaters or by the Order.

"In the long run they would have been better without me." He spoke in a soft voice that had a lot of pain in it. "They might have had a better chance taking that risk. I know when we were arguing, I could never sleep. I kept thinking thats when she would take Draco and leave. I was always surprised to still them the following day. There were times, I wish they had left me."

"But they didn't." Melinda's voice was so soft, a quiet musical tone to it as she spoke. It was part of her methods, working in the unique magic of her curse to ease some of that pain and keep it to a bearable level. People could face things of great tragedy when the pain didn't hurt nearly as much. "They remained with you due to Narcissa great love for you as much as the possible outcomes, and in the end, you remain as well. Have you looked at those who had once called themselves Death Eaters? Dead. Gone. Locked away in Azkaban. You alone remain free and, even if the community may think otherwise, pardoned. I fully believe that is because unlike the rest, you loved your family that much more than you loved Him. Because they loved you in return. It saved your very soul."

"She is the best thing that ever happened in my life," Lucius replied. There had been a long silence as he tried to recollect his thoughts and calm down. Melinda's voice had helped make things easier.

"She showed me love. My father was not a good role model and in a sense I am glad that Draco never met him. Because I loved my family the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord all believed that I was weak and say that's why I failed in my tasks. I wasn't the person that I had been before my son was born."

"What they think no longer matters." Melinda raised a slender silver brow pointedly. "But it haunts you, makes you challenge your own thoughts, what they said. Lucius... tell me something. What opinion do you hold higher - that of the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, or that of your family? Which is more worthy to listen to, to hold closer to your heart and believe your self-worth on? I would say that no one's opinion but your own counts, but we both know that would be a lie. We all worry and concern ourselves with the thoughts of others. The difference is who we chose to base those feelings on."

"Ultimately its my family. I was simply explaining at the time that's what was going on. None of them understood what I had and that had been my support and as you said what saved us," Lucius replied.

"As for our society I don't think they will ever understand or try to for the sake that we had lied and didn't help in the second war after changing sides... But we had. Narcissa lied to the Dark Lord which bought Harry more time."

'Harry', not Potter. An interesting notation to make. Melinda nodded in response to Lucius' words, tapping her fingers before deciding to go down that route, slightly. "Yet it was Harry Potter that spoke on behalf of your family, though in private hearing instead of public." Harry had very much gone 'underground' after his defeat of the Dark Lord, visiting only relatives and hiding out from the media. "You were pardoned, even if others do not believe. ...Do you believe you should have been pardoned?"

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